It’s been an up and down few weeks for me: the depths of winter and ongoing fatigue have made things a bit unreal in an unpleasant way, except when I’m gripped by anxiety. On the one hand it’s a great opportunity to practice some mindfulness and vipassana techniques, but on the other hand it’s hard to focus when you feel just a little bit like you want to die. Just a teeny little bit though.
Speaking of death, listening to a podcast where the hosts are talking about the then recent death of the great Stuart Gordon: how he’d been such a kind and self-effacing friend, and how terrible it was they’d never get to see him again. That made me think of poor Zac Bertschy, the brilliant anime critic who died from loneliness and self-neglect near the beginning of the pandemic; and then, because it’s still an open wound for me, my lovely friend Petra Mayer, who I’ll never ever see again. God, I’m still so angry about that.
Anyway, having a bit of a Roast Beef moment. Bear with.